Jane RULZ!

Thanks for reading and commenting, Jane!!!

Mommy Woes

An issue that continually comes up on this motherhood journey is the "am I doing a good enough job?" question. It manifests in many ways. I belong to a Stay at home mom's (from here on out referred to as SAHM--yes, they actually use that acronym) group; and one of the other moms babysits Henry when I work. My work schedule is something I would in any other situation consider incredibly PART TIME. One full day/week and the odd day or two per month. Since I'm self-employed Henry also stays at the sitter's a few extra hours each week so I can catch up on paperwork, book-keeping, and the other odds and ends that keep me operating legally. Not that much, right? But inevitably, whenever I attend an outing with the SAH group, a bunch of moms will come up to me and say something along the lines of, "I don't know you, but I've met Henry! You must work a lot! Haha! I'm Marie, and unlike you, I love my child." Okay, no one's actually said that last sentence, but it feels implied. Once Henry's sitter had a friend over when I dropped him off with her. The friend (who I'd never met and didn't bother to introduce herself) exclaimed to the SITTER when we walked in, "Look how big Henry's gotten, Heather! He's so cute!" WTF? I stuck out my hand and said, "Hi, I'm the lady who watches Henry when Heather isn't able to." No, I didn't say that; but I wish I had. Partly because of my experiences with the SAHMs and for a variety of other reasons, I'm often wondering if I spend enough time with Henry and if the time we DO spend together is educational, stimulating, developmental-enhancing enough? In other words "quality".
Along these lines, a continuous battle in my head is "Should Henry watch TV?" And if so, how much TV? This issue first entered my radar before I even considered a child of my own, when I witnessed a friend shield her 6 month old daughter's eyes from a television. "What are you doing?" I asked. "She's not supposed to watch TV until she's at least two" friend replied. "Huh?" When I was a kid, I had literally NO restrictions on TV. I could watch what I wanted when I wanted, and at the time I thought that was F-ing awesome. I pitied my friends who could only watch certain shows for a maximum amount of time. I didn't have my own TV, and a lot of time I'd watch it WITH my parents; but I watched A LOT of it. I think I turned out fine, I never felt like I was missing out on something when I was growing up; but now I wonder: Was I missing out on something? Was there a better way for my parents and I to spend our time? (Please understand I hold no animosity towards my parents on this issue. Like most parents, they did the best they could with what they had. They both worked full-time (my dad often worked MORE than full-time) and had busy lives.) Besides relaxing with the boob tube, much of the time we spent together involved them multi-tasking. My mom grocery shopping with me in tow, my Dad doing errands with me in the car singing the "Annie" soundtrack. I never gave the situation much thought, although I always wanted my mom to be the field trip chaperone and the Brownie leader.
Despite a lack of what today might be considered "quality time" with my parents during my formative years, I have loads of great memories from childhood. Running errands with my Dad Saturday mornings was something I always looked forward to--still look forward to. To this day if I'm visiting my parents and my Dad says he's got to run to Costco on a Saturday morning, I beg to go with him. Also, I always felt very included in my parents lives: I went along with them on most trips and evenings out with friends. I always felt included, loved and important to them, even if they weren't spending hours a day playing with me.
Thoughts from others are very welcome. I'm looking at you, Anna (the only person I know for sure who reads this blog; yet she refuses to comment).